Can you really meet the man or women of your dreams after just a few minutes of casual chit-chat? That’s the premise behind speed dating, a new mating sport that is being played in bars, clubs and community centers in North America and Europe. Read on if you want to learn about speed dating and how to speed date.
The best way to describe speed dating is as a cross between a job interview, a blind date and a game of musical chairs. Participants get three to eight minutes, depending on where you are playing the game, to meet scores of different potential partners. With speed dating you can meet as many as twenty-five people (maybe more, depending on the length of the game) in one fell swoop.
Some see speed dating as being the ideal hybrid between online and offline dating. You get to meet a number of strangers within the safety of a friendly and merry environment that is policed by the organizers. At the end of the night you can ask a partner for a date, but a date only takes place if the other party is in agreement. In most speed dating games, most communication is written or concealed from the potential dates. A big plus is that it spares singles the face-to-face embarrassment of turning someone down.
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You are advised to turn down speed dating events that are too publicly advertised or take place in a bar that is known for its wild antics. Often, with this type of heavily promoted speed dating venture, you run the risk of having an audience gawk at you while you meet potential partners. Always check out the venue before you attend an event to make sure that you are not part of a public spectacle. Speed dating that is held at a church or community venue is probably your safest bet when it comes to privacy, tact and anonymity.
Speed dating probably best suits busy careerists who would benefit from meeting as many people as they can within a short period of time. This includes busy individuals such as lawyers or performers who have had no time for pursuing romance simply because they have spent a decade or so focusing on education and then launching a business. Speed dating also suits health professionals and individuals who work off-hours, such as waitresses, shift-workers, and health professionals. Speed dating is ideal for those who always find themselves working the traditional date nights such as Friday and Saturday night.
Speed dating also benefits those who are looking for a more serious relationship, as it is understood that these functions are for individuals who are looking for a long-term connection. If you are sick of the immaturity or addictions that come hand-in-hand with people you meet in bars and clubs then this might be a more efficient way to meet someone who is not intent on wasting your time with their emotional problems.
This “mating sport” also will appeal to those who have become frustrated with the anonymity and long-distance aspects of online dating. Unlike online dating, what you see at a Speed Dating event is what you are going to get. There is no false advertising such as lying about one’s age or weight allowed.
The problem with blind dates and personals is that they do not satisfy a very crucial requirement needed in order for two people to hit it off and see each other again: physical attraction and chemistry. Speed dating allows you to meet in person and see if the two of you actually click. You are not required to waste the time that you would meeting someone on a blind date. On a blind date, many squander hours of time being courteous to an individual they would rather just get away from.
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The rules of the game are quite simple. The event is usually advertised and singles that want to participate gather at a café or bar. Each “player” is given a nametag and a scorecard.
A timer that allows you to spend seven minutes with each companion rules the game. When your seven minutes is over, a bell is rung, signifying that all players should shift to the next seat to meet the next person.
Usually you are allowed to discuss anything with the potential partner except your name, your job and where you work.
Following each introduction, participants mark on their scorecard whether or not they would be interested in having a real date with the other person. How the game ends varies according to the event. Usually, at the end of the game, the organizers check the scorecards and match up which partners have mutual interest in each other. In some versions of speed dating only the women are given the phone number and in others, both the woman and the man are given the number to follow up on for a date.
Speed dating is the brainchild of Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, who in 1999, wanted to invent a way of allowing single Jewish men and women to meet in a safe, chaperoned environment. Since then the idea has caught on commercially and many online dating sites also feature speed-dating events as part of their activities.
For many singles, who are tried of the bar scene and weary of blind dates, speed dating offers a fun and safe alternative to going online or placing personal ads. Speed dating has proven to be a fairly successful way of meeting a new partner and its proponents claim that more than half of the players in a game usually walk away with the phone number of a potential love match.
Blind Dates
Blind dating is only recommended for people who have a sense of humor and who have confidence in themselves to handle any situation that might come along. It is not recommended for control freaks, anxious personalities or individuals that don’t handle disappointment or rejection well. If you fear going on a blind date, then don’t.
However if you are the type that likes adventure and a lot of faith in human beings, then you should have no trouble meeting someone in this way.
Many fear a blind date because they fear that something will go horribly wrong or that they will be made fun or that they will spend all night at the mercy of a psychotic stranger. This does not have to be the case. Avoiding disappointment on a first blind date is easier than it seems.
First of all it is recommended that you avoid dates that are completely “blind”. Trade emails and talk on the phone with the individual first. Do as much research as you can about the person without being too nosy. Watch out for warning signs in their language and the content of their conversation. For instance, if they talk about the bar fight they were in last night and how many times they have broken their nose, you might want to consider the possibility that your date is violent.
Stay away from people who talk too much about their ex partners (especially if it is in a bitter or resentful way). Also avoid people who talk about their addictions, alcoholism or last case of domestic abuse.
If the blind date was set up for you by a friend, make sure to get references and opinions from your mutual circle of friends.
When arranging where to meet, make sure it is in a very public place. Pick somewhere comfortable, but busy such as a popular restaurant or bar. Don’t invite the person to your home and don’t agree to go to his or her home.
This is not the time to suggest a highly unusual excursion, such as a trip to the amusement park or a hang-gliding. Keep your activities together as temperate and casual as possible. It is also not the occasion to suggest trying an exotic cuisine or unfamiliar food.
Although blind dates are all about creating a good first impression, that doesn’t mean that you should go overboard when it is time to dress up. Remember that if you intend to see this person again that you might have to keep up the facade if you decided to present yourself as the type that wears high-heels and a power suit full-time.
Dating experts also suggest that women should not dress too provocatively for a blind date. Avoid hemlines that are too high, plunging necklines or fishnet stockings unless you are sure you want to have sex on the first date. Teasing a blind date with your charms is not a good idea.
Men should try to avoid looking too casual in that “I am looking for someone to do my laundry” way. Wearing sports wear, such as sweatshirts advertising your favorite team is also not advised. Dress casually but also be you.
Dressing for the blind date is all about making a strong personal statement about who you are without overwhelming your partner. For instance, you don’t need to wear your roller-skates to the date, you can just talk about your love for roller-skating instead. Of course there are exceptions to this rule. If you are a Wiccan witch covered with tattoos and piercings, it may not be a good idea to try and conceal that fact from your date.
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Most people know within the first five minutes of meeting someone whether or not there is a romantic spark. It is important to patient, as sometimes the other person is as nervous as you are and doesn’t necessarily express anything but awkwardness or anxiety for the first few minutes. Sometimes it takes a few moments for both of you to relax and for the personal chemistry between you to kick in.
While on the date try and keep the conversation going as best as you can. The best way to do this is ask your blind date polite questions such as “So how was your day?” and “Did you read that item in the newspaper about …?” Although you are very curious about your date, it is best to save the heavy interrogation, such as “Why are you still living with your mother at age 43?” for later.
Keep an open mind, keep your sense of humor and keep your wits about you. Give the individual time to settle down, look you in the eye and talk about him or her. If something seems awkward or goes awry during the date (such as atrocious service at a restaurant), then encourage your date to laugh at life’s little foibles.
Although it is polite to stick through a blind date to the very end, make sure to make a quick exit if your date displays any disturbing, addictive or mentally ill behavior. One way to determine this is to assess whether or not, after a remark has been made, you feel ashamed or humiliated in any way. Feeling shamed or humiliated by the comments or behavior of a date is a sure sign that you should abort the mission promptly.
To keep your confidence up before and during a blind date, keep telling yourself that most human beings are basically the same. The person you are with has agreed to this arrangement for the same reasons you have and probably feels just as awkward or confused. If it doesn’t work out, comfort yourself by acknowledging that blind dates don’t always evolve into a second date or full-blown relationships. The bottom line is that when you go on a blind date you take your chances and must be capable of handling whatever results from the meeting.
