The worst part of a break up is the fact that you have to learn how to heal from a break up no matter how many times you’ve broken up. Eact time you break up with someone you love, you have to learn how to heal from the break up all over again. It’s never easy. Healing from a break up NVER gets easier. Let me share my story, and what I had to endure, in order to heal from a break up.
“I love her with all of my heart and think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread”. “We are destined to be together”. “I am going to marry her eventually, have 2.5 kids, buy a house with a white pickett fence, and live happily ever after”. “She is the most special and precious woman I have ever come into contact with and I’ll never meet another like her”. “We share a deep emotional bond that can overcome anything”. “We have such a strong connection that we finish each other’s sentences”. “My life will not be complete and I will never be happy without her”.
These are all statements that I had convinced myself were true after my girlfriend told me that she no longer thought we should be a couple. It’s kind of funny that, while I was making plans to walk her down the aisle, she was making plans with Waldo the pool boy, and she doesn’t even own a pool. It’s curious how powerful it can be, when we become consciously aware that we can’t have something. It seems to make us want it more than we ever really did.
It seems that, once this phenomenon kicks into high gear, we began to meticulously chart out courses of action that will somehow manipulate the object of our affection into wanting the same things that we think we want. We decide we will do things to improve ourselves because we want to impress them into thinking they made a mistake in leaving the relationship. Most of these plans are bourne out of bitterness. We go about these little schemes with the mindset of “I’ll show them”. In some ways this can be healthy. If it leads to you exercising on a more regular basis, to improve your appearance, then that is a healthy change.
Then there are things that are not so healthy. You decide that you are not going to call them, email them, or text message them until they contact you first. You figure you will make them miss you with your absence, and sometimes this works, but mostly you just end up counting days like some poor sap in prison. The wait for the payoff is excruciating! Sometimes the payoff never comes and you find yourself slipping into psycho-stalker mode. You send emails, text messages, and make phone calls like crazy. Chances are good that the object of your affection will not understand the messages because you are on different emotional levels. You will just look insane, and feel awful, because you weren’t able to hold out longer. You feel as if you failed in some great test of your strength and resolve. You feel like a loser. This is not very healthy.
It has been my experience that, if you are trying to eat right, exercise more often, and live a healthier lifestyle, then you should probably avoid the counting the days thing. If your patience wears thin, and you get discouraged by your love not contacting you, then you find yourself stuffing your pie-hole with anything that contradicts the health kick. It’s a very defeatist cycle that is hard to escape. Your intention may be to have the body of a Daniel Craig or Angelina Jolie but you turn out more like Chris Farley or Roseanne Barr (Arnold or whatever she is calling herself these days).
Before I go into detail about how you can avoid the pitfalls of heartbreak, I am going to tell you some of the things I experienced myself. If you can identify with these things then I think it’s a good idea to continue reading this. The first thing I did when she told me we were done was to argue and try to reason with her. I tried to tell her all of the reasons that she was wrong for making a decision that she wanted to make. This is a terrible idea because the fact is, at this point, her mind was made up no matter what I said to the contrary.
Changing her mind was not an option and I’m sure it wasn’t for you either. If anything, arguing with them is giving them even more reason to end the relationship. If you are arguing, then you obviously don’t understand where they are coming from, and therefore, are not a good match. Your best bet, in this situation, is to agree with dignity. Tell them, “You’re right. I think it may be a good idea to take some time apart”. This accomplishes two things. First, it will confuse them, because they are surely expecting you to want to salvage the relationship. The second thing it might do is kick their “wanting what you can’t have syndrome” into overdrive. Either way, you are going to break up and arguing only makes the break up last longer, so you may as well do so with dignity.
Upon realizing that I couldn’t reason with her, I did what all great men with a lot of pride do: I swore up and down at her, called her every name in the book, and just basically vented all of my hurt feelings on her. It’s quite obvious that this is not the smartest tactic ever used. I was hurt. I was angry and it was her fault dammit! The worst part of this is the one that comes next: “I’m sorry”. Understanding that I had made my situation so much worse, I knew I now had to call her, email her, or text her, because I had to let her know how bad I felt for being so hateful.
When she finally took one of my calls, I was so thrilled, that I took her talking to me as a sign that she wanted to hear how much I loved her. I had to express to her how much I was missing her, how I dreaded the thought of a life without her, and basically turned myself into the biggest pussy this side of Jenna Jamison (no offense Jenna, I love ya, and would love to get a taste of that, but that’s beside the point). You can imagine that she was more impressed with me than she had ever been. I didn’t see it as such then, but I was on the fast train to pittyville. Unless you are some kind of strange fruit, you are not going to fall in love with someone you feel sorry for, are you? Well, she didn’t either, even though I thought she would. I was a moron because I was stubborn to believe all of the advice that was readily available to me. My friends would tell me I was being a moron. I would visit websites devoted to “winning someone back” and they all said the same thing: You can’t make someone love you!
Just to be clear, I am a man and my love interests are females, so I refer to your love interest as “she” for the sake of simplicity. This, however, applies to both males and females. To have to write he/she so many times is a pain in the ass, plus I don’t want someone to think I am referring to hermaphrodites (no offense to hermaphrodites).
If, instead of healing from your break up, you want to learn how to get your ex back, please visit my “The Best Of The ‘Get Your Ex Back’ Ebooks” review.
