Anyone may be able to find sex in the city, but what if you’re looking for a serious long-lasting relationship that might lead to commitment —no, not in a mental institution, but in front of an altar? Perhaps you are interested in finding a dating service, however, you don’t know how to find a dating service.
We meet people who can’t take care of themselves, are already attached, are scared of intimacy, are just killing time waiting around until they fall in love with the real thing, have to much emotional baggage, are alcoholics, drug addicts, or more interested in repeating some tragic, self-destructive emotional pattern.
Even if we “get lucky” at one of these places, we often end up optimistically mistaking sex for love, and place unrealistic expectations on a partner who is not willing to go forward with us into the future.
Then there’s the matter of our busy schedules. Not too many single people have the time or energy to hang out at the libraries, laundromats or clubs where the old fashioned etiquette books have always advised us to go to meet someone nice.
Perhaps that’s why more people than ever are using dating services. Using one of these dating services eliminates the fuss and muss of dealing with the modern inconvenience of recovering from a hangover after a long night of waiting around all night in a smoky bar hoping to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Also, using a dating service is much safer for women. Your best bet is to find a hands-on matchmaking service that screens their male candidates and checks their background for such things as marital status, financial solvency and a criminality. Using a dating service is also much safer than meeting someone through a free dating service on the internet.
Your chances of meeting a jerk there are just as high as if you had gone into a sleazy bar, as anyone can lie about their history when they submit their personality profiles on-line. The bottom line, according to the dating service owners I spoke to, is: “You get what you pay for…”
According to a study called Dating and the Internet by Ian Nethercott, more and more of us are becoming disillusioned with such societal ills as alcoholism and infidelity and during the nineties turned to more and more to our computers to find a mate.
The failure of the internet to produce anything but even more illusions about love, has renewed singles’ interest in old fashioned match-making services.
I used to think that using a dating service was an outrageous idea, that is, until my best friend from high school, a busy psychiatric nurse who worked a night shift, met her husband using one.
If you think that using a dating service is just too off-the-wall for you, think about how dating is done in Japan, where men currently pay $20.00 to put their personality profile and phone numbers into a vending machine called The Happy Guy and the women pay $2.00 to retrieve them.
Also, in Japan, they are selling a gadget that is worn around single peoples’ neck. If the two of you are in the same room, the gadgets beep and communicate with each other to identify your eligibility.
However, here in North America, we are stuck with old fashioned twentieth century methods —such as the Internet and dating services.
Dating Services can be found in the telephone book or online. Usually a candidate must pay a fee, anywhere between $100 and $1000 dollars to enroll in the service. Usually you will be asks questions about your age, height, education, physical appearance, religion, goals, and values.
Sometimes you will be asked to provide a profile or photograph; other times, photographs are taken by an in-house photographer whose services are included in the fee. Your profile is then added to the member data base. Each time your profile is matched up with someone else’s, you are notified.
Some dating services only send the profiles of men to the woman and give her a length of time (such as three days) to respond if she is interested. Then, usually, it is left up to the male to make the first phone call after the woman contacts him.
Most companies thoroughly check an applicant’s background for substance abuse and criminality. Romantic prospects are recommended by in-house computers and counselors, apparently saving you the time and trouble of having to make a decision.
There are several questions that you should ask before getting involved with any dating service, especially an on-line one.
Is the company a member of the Better Business Bureau? Will I be sent junk mail? What are the qualifications of the owner? How does the company’s screening process for applicants work? Is a background check done on the applications? Is there a hidden fee in the membership? Are you comfortable with the way in which the company intends to give out information about you?
Not only do you not know who this person is, but neither does your professional matchmaker. As many companies charge hundreds of dollars for their services, it is very important for you to talk to someone in the office about the nature of the introduction service before you join. A broken heart is bad enough, but it feels even worse if you paid good money for it.
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