Let’s pick right up where we left off in discussing body language and attraction.
What Hands Say About People
There are 2 basic rules you have to remember when looking at hand gestures: Open palms (when you can see the palms of someone’s hands) suggests openness, honesty, and a liking, whilst closed palms(when you can see the back of someone’s hands) suggests that they may be hiding something, are closed to your ideas, or are feeling like they are in authority.
Classic examples of this are seen in every day life. When people are apologizing, they may say something like “I’m sorry” coupled with presenting their two open palms. The open palmed gesture is like saying “I feel comfortable around you, I like you, I am being honest, and I have nothing to hide.” If you see someone making open palmed gestures at you, take this to heart and read their other gestures to confirm how they are feeling.
Closed palm gestures are used frequently too. For example when a child is lying or concealing something they will hide their hands behind their backs, and when someone doesn’t feel like talking they will put their hands in their pockets – symbolizing that they are ‘closed’ and don’t want to talk.
Again it is important to bear in mind that hands in pockets may also simply mean that the person is cold, or something else. Remember toread all gestures in groups and context.
Arm Signals
In body language, the arms are known as barriers that are put up to protect a person from harm. Arms gestures are typically used when aperson is lacking in self confidence, feels threatened, or just doesn’t want to hear what you are currently saying.
Arm gestures aren’t a definitive “I don’t like you”, however they do indicate when a person is having negative feelings towards you.
When someone is using repetitive negative arm gestures, coupledwith crossed legs or ankles, you’ll know its time to change the conversation.
Crossed Arms over Chest
Both arms are folded across the chest – this is a universal signal used everywhere. Its meaning is clear, “I don’t agree withwhat you are saying, I am uncertain, I don’t like this situation”.
Self Hug
The self hug is characterized by one arm at a person’s side, and the other arm clutching at their elbow. As children, our parents or carers hugged us when we were feeling sad, uncertain, or tense. The self hug is an attempt to recreate the feeling of security we got from those hugs. A person using this gesture is likely feeling insecure.
Elbow Touching
Everyone likes to be touched. Interestingly, studies shows thatpeople who touch others elbow are more liked than those who do no touching. I say elbows in italics because it is just that,
elbows only.
The reason elbow touching is acceptable is because it is far away from the intimate parts of the body; touch a stranger anywhere above or below the elbow and their reaction may be a little different.
It is a fact that girls do more touching than guys, but equally: if a girl or guy touches your elbow it is a sure fire sign that they like you, and that they want your attention.
Body Pointing
It is true that the body points to where the mind wants to go. The angles at which people stand when speaking to each other give us clues as to how they feel or where they want to go.
Open Positioning
Just like with palm gestures, when a person likes you or is interested in you, they will adopt an open body position. An open body position can be spotted by looking at the angle of their body relative to yours.
Typically in friendly encounters, the other person’s body will be pointing at an angle 45 degrees relative to yours – subsequently you’ll find that you’re body will be doing the same.
Closed Positioning
Closed positioning is used when two people want a bit of intimacy. Their body angle will change from the ‘friendly’ 45 degrees to 0 degrees, i.e. they will face each other. If someone uses closed positioning with you, it’s a signal that they like you a lot.
Try taking half a step forward, into their intimate zone – if they seem uncomfortable with this or they take a step back, don’t follow.
Leg and Foot Pointing
As stated in the blurb for this section, the body points to where the mind wants to go. Equally true is that a woman’s feet will point to the most ‘attractive’ guy in the room, and vice versa with guys on girls. This same principle applies to leg pointing. If you watch carefully, you’ll see that a guy’s knee will be pointed in the direction of the girl he finds most attractive.
We see these principles every day, for example when someonewants to leave a room, at the very least you’ll see that their feet point towards the exit.
General Flirting and Attraction Gestures
When in the company of the opposite sex, the body language of both genders will change dramatically. Men will stand a little taller, no slouching or slumping.
He will also stick his chest out and suck in his stomach – this makes him appear more dominant, and happens automatically around someone he likes or has taken a fancy to.
If a woman takes a liking to the described man, she will respond to his gestures by drawing attention to her breasts, tilting her head, touching her hair, and exposing her wrists –thus making her appear submissive.
There are of course, more deliberate flirting and attraction gestures,but these are gestures made consciously, whereas the ones described above are automatic, and made subconsciously.
Attraction Gestures Used by Men
Compared to women, men don’t have a large repertoire of attraction gestures. When a man likes a woman, he will use gestures that emphasize his masculinity.
The common gestures used by men are the expanding of the chest, straightening of the back and pulling the stomach in. He’ll also adjust his clothing or touch his hair.
Men typically use their thumbs to display dominance and masculinity; subsequently a man will tuck his thumbs into hisbelt, pointing them at his crotch to emphasize his manhood.
Attraction Gestures Used by Women
Fortunately for guys, women send out a whole plethora of signs and signals to let him know she’s interested in him. Unfortunately for women, many men are slow on the uptake, completely oblivious to the signs and signals she is sending out. What makes things worse is that women sometimes send out mixed signals, to manipulate men into showing how they feel about her – this often leaves men confused and subsequently, they won’t try to approach her.
When a woman looks around a room and sees a man she’s interested in, she’ll often send a gaze his way until she catches his eye. During this first look she typically holds his eyecontact for 23 seconds, and then she looks away. Women may then perform othergestures to show interest in her chosen guy.
A woman will use something known as the ‘Hair Flick’ around a guy she fancies. This gesture involves flicking the hair over her shoulderor away from the face. Even women with short hair use this gesture.
Another gesture to watch out for is the ‘self touch’. When a woman slowly and sensually strokes her thigh or neck she implies that if the man plays his cards right, he may be able to touch her in these ways too.
The limp wrist is seen as a submission signal by many men, and as such is used by women everywhere to make a guy feel that he coulddominate her. The limp wrist gesture is often used for maximum effect when fondling a cylindrical object.
A similar gesture to the limp wrist is also used by women to reel in aman. This gesture is known as the ‘exposed neck’, and is exactly asthe name says – the woman will tilt her head to one shoulder, exposing her neck to the man. This gesture is seen by men as submissive in much the same way as the limp wrist.
Single?
When people see someone they like, sometimes the only thing holding them back from making an approach is the thought that maybe their crush isn’t single. Imagine this scenario:
An attractive girl sees a group of people standing across the room from her at a bar. She has her eye on one of the guys in the group,and uses the gazing technique to let him know she’s interested.
He’s a bit slow on the uptake or maybe just a little nervous, so she decides that maybe its time to go over there and give him an opportunity to talk to her. At the same time this occurs, she notices that her crush is standing next to another attractive girl, who seems tobe part of the group.
This throws the question “Are these two together?” So should she stay where she is, or still go over to his area?
Personal Territory
It is a scientific fact that the closer two people are emotionally, the closer they will stand, sit, or lie next to each other. Imagine a bubble around each and every person. This bubble encompasses the person and a small surrounding area. To that person, everything inside that bubble is ‘theirs’, and is known as their ‘Personal Space’. The size ofthis personal space varies a little from person to person but doesn’t differ to a great degree.
When two people are very close i.e. Lovers, Parents, Spouses, Close Friends, Children, they will stand for the majority within 1545 centimeters of each other. Only those who are emotionally close to us may enter this space and anyone else who enters may make the person feel intimidated and take a step back from the invader.
Touch and Personal Claim
People touch or lean against something that they feel is theirs. For example a person will sometimes lean on their walls at home, but wouldn’t dream of being invited into a stranger’s house then leaningon their walls. Lovers will hold hands, brush each other’s arms, or ‘tidy’ their partner up by brushing imaginary lint off their partner’s shoulder.
One of the most unmistakable signals made by women to show claim to a man is when she places her flat palm on his chest. Similarly a man will place his hand on his partner’s waist or back.
The key things to remember here is that we touch things that we feelare ours, and we do this in a variety of ways. Watch for the slightest touches, fingers, arms, or even feet.
Recap
Although body language is universal in its meanings, it really is very easy to get confused or mixed up when reading people’s body language. As mentioned at the beginning of this lesson, practice makes perfect and the more you practice reading body language, the easier it will become. Always remember to read gestures in groups, and always remember to take into account the environment around the person you are reading.
Okay, now that you’ll know how to read the signs, you will be able to tell if the ex is still into you. I will get more into detail about our plan soon. Check back in a day or two.
